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Subject:Don't read if you don't feel like hearing a bit of a rant :P
Time:12:02 pm
Ach ja, bin wieder da, I mean here, in Berlin. Namibia was a great experience (see pics on facebook). I'm currently writing a letter to family about my trip which I could post here as well as a general overview. I miss the sun there, I think we could only catch the sight of a cloud, and then only one of those white fluffy ones, on one day the entire time we were there. It is the dry season of course, but still, Winter, and for the most part quite warm and everyday oh so sunny. *sigh* and now Berlin... hmmm. I want to live in a sunny country, jajaja.

And here I am also alone in the Apartment,mom coming back on the 10th or so, after almost a month of being with people almost 24/7 (of course then I enjoyed my hour here or there of solitude) - now 3 days having not talked with any person live (only msn/skype/phone/e-mail), starting the 4th, it's a bit lonely. Of course it's good, i have time to laze around, time to be productive as well, read, study, research, etc. but yeah, I like people, I like my daily dose. I'll head out of the house soon, it is up to me to move my ass after all,but of course smalltalk as opposed to hanging out with fellow students and friends isn't quite the same. Actually I'm in a good enough mood (I might head down to Salzburg and visit my mom there though if I find a cheap way or hithchike or both)...

I think my real problem is that I just miss Yalcin. I haven't seen him for 5 months now, the longest we've ever been apart, and it will probably be another month before we might possibly meet again (and that's only if he can get a visa, which of course may not happen considering he got turned down the last 2 times he tried). And I can't go to Turkey, and even if I could I don't have the money and am having trouble getting it, am minus on my bank account now, was told that the bank where I applied my financial aid MPN no longer offers loans so I need to redo that (I applied for a Stafford Loan in February for goodness sake!).

Accchhhh, and once I graduate I guess I'll go to the US and work, meaning, if I do get to see Yalcin in January, it will be another 6 or so months until we meet again afterwards. Ach, what kind of world is this with all its governments and border, grrrr. I don't know where I can turn,I just want to work and learn and whilst doing so live with Yalcin - why is that too much to ask for? And the last time we saw each other in person was for only 4 days, meaning that since I left Turkey January 20th, I've only spent 4 days out of the last possible 196 days with Yalcin, ai.

Okay, if we had money at least we could meet in other places, for example Kosovo or Albania, where neither of us needs visas... I think I need to leave Berlin just because now I have time to miss Yalcin, time I had very little for in Namibia where I was so busy and surrounded by others. Of course I missed him,but it was different. And soon he's starting an internship,then I won't be able to even meet him online... maybe I should just head back to Middelburg, people are already back there, I would stay busy. Ach, I just want to move move move and not think. I was even debating if I could either get a fake passport or otherwise find a way to smuggle myself across the Turkish border,ach, I just don't have the right connections (and again, not enough money). It's a cliche but I will say it nevertheless: Money doesn't make one happy but it can make life much easier (and in that way bring about happiness). Agh, Capitalism...

ach people, I don't know, I just don't know, and that's the problem.. there must be a way to fixed things, there must be a way I could just pay my stupid fine to the Turkish gov, but nobody knows and I don't have any inside connections to help me figure things out. Fuck governments and borders, I don't know what to do, where to turn - and it's going to drive me crazy, all of this.......

aiaiai, but Namibia was a good experience, and next semester should be good and life will be good, I'm just frustrated and my heart is a bit sad, hope things are going more smoothly with all of you
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Subject:Ab den 01.06.:
Time:05:57 pm
Current Mood:optimisticoptimistic
I want (need) to keep myself busy, so here is my upcoming June schedule (some flexibility during the week friends are visiting is allowed):

- 1 hr Turkish (daily)
- 1 hr Spanish (daily)
- 30 min. Workout (2x/day)
- Strength train (every other day)
- 30 min. Piano (5 out of 7 days)
- Read (2 books/week)
- Watch films (2 films/week)
- Organize memorabilia
- Read some more articles for Namibia research

Of course I will be doing other thing as well, going out in the city, burning some CD's and looking for new music, etc. but I like having a to do list, a framework for my time here in Berlin. Tomorrow I'll be getting my Monatskarte and will be able to travel all over the city then. I wish all you JFKers were around now, the weather here is great (warm and happy).
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Time:03:38 pm
Current Mood:happyhappy
mmmm, lying in the park, in the warm intoxicating sun. yes, I'm truly drugged, warmth penetrating every inch of my bare skin but in a friendly way: the sun and me aren't enemies anymore, no no no. Ah, and the little birds chirping, soft breeze, all in the middle of the city, not far from my mother's apartment, here in Berlin. Life is good. I have some more freckles (I love my freckles). :)

Semester is over, summer vacation started after I handed in my Qualitative Methods paper on May 16th. Had a good time hanging around Middelburg, spending quality time with friends, especially one became very dear to me, who would have thought - but that person along with many other friends are graduating and it's goodbye. At first I didn't really want to leave M'burg so early (I did so since my mom is leavin to the US May 27th and so if I came later I wouldn't be able to spend time with her), but now that I'm here in Berlin, I'm happy and content.

Yalcin is suppose to come June 2nd, but his Visa application to France was denied. Now he is going to try to apply via Belgium, we'll see, keep your fingers crossed! Arlinda (my chica from Kosovo, love that girl!) and Moritz (her boyfriend, he's German and has an Aunt in Berlin who he will work for parttime this summer, she runs an ice cream place - I can hang out with him also without Arlinda, so we've become friends despite the initial only Arlinda connection) (they are a wonderful couple by the way) are arriving here on June 7th. I have many things keeping me busy during the time it's just me here, but it would be nice to find a job, anyone have some under-the-table connections here? :P or an internships... something. But I think I will be at peace doing just my planned activities (Turkish, Spanish, reading books, artsy-crafts projects (ex. macrame!), exploring my city some more, hanging out with friends, maybe reading more literature for my Namibia research in July, working out, really getting a tan for once :), finding the perfect MA program/job/internship or whatnot after my graduation and seeing whether I should be studying for teh GRE exam or not, etc.).

I also should still make August plans (I return from Namibia August 1, arriving in London).

ja, I hope Yalcin can make it, even though he would only be here 9 days. Today, right now, I am so happy with life, so content, I am enjoying this very second and the next and the next, I plan the future, but not as fervently as before - I do it in little tidbits and time, am enjoying the now too much. I feel my heart dancing, it's wonderful.
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Time:01:40 pm
Hey there peoples,

Yesterday I went to the ICTY (Int'l Criminal Tribunal for Yugolavia) and the ICC (Int'l Criminal Court) in The Hague with my Law class (sometimes it is quite convenient to be living in the Netherlands, we left at 8:30 AM and were home by 7PM). I know some of you might have already gone to those places, but I never have and I must say it was quite interesting!!!!

ICTY: I never expected the court rooms to be set up the way there were. The area is actually quite small, compared to what it looks like on TV or elsewhere, and the hearings proceed as visitors just come and go from an area that is separated from the courtroom via glass (soundproof mostly I guess). Although hearings must be public, when the court feels it is necessary (for example when the anonynimity of a victim/witness must be protected, which is what happened during the time we were watching the Gotovina et al proceedings), the sound system from the court to the visiting area is cut off and then reinstated once the matter is finished. One can still watch but one can't hear anything. Actually, when we went to the ICTY the plan was just to watch the Šešelj case, however, they were in private session and not hearing any witnesses that day, so part of the group left so we could actually listen in (and apparently the whole time they were there, only 5 minutes of the Šešelj case was not private).

After visiting the courts we got a one-hour talk about the courts by Dan Saxon, one of the prosecutors at the ICTY who also worked on the Milošević case. I guess usually it's not part of the tour plan, however Dan Saxo is the stepfather of one of the guys in my class, so we got a special deal :P. Anyway, it was very interesting, and just so you know, anytime you are in The Hague, you are welcome to drop by the ICTY :) Going there and seeing how things work is really cool, made me think maybe working in the human rights sector would be cool after all (after all this post-modern almost nihilistic thinking I've had with this one teacher in anthropology, who has been my professor every semester at University so far).

ICC: After visiting the ICTY we hopped on the bus to the ICC, which was interesting, but slightly less then the ICTY since we didn't have really interesting speakers afterwards (didn't tell us things we hadn't already learned). We got to sit in on the Special Court for Sierra Leone and see former President of Liberia, Charles Taylor, on trial. (He's the guy which the movie 'Lord of War' character Andre Baptiste is loosely based on, creepy guy). While we were there a witness was being heard, which was interesting to see because the court was open but partially closed, with two of the window panes covered and apparently in the court there was also a curtain around the witness so he wouldn't be seen. On the TV which one also sees even though the court is right in front of one's face, the face of the witness was blurred so that it could not be destinguished and in some cases they may also do a voice-over. Apparently the first real case won't be heard in the ICC until this June (well it is quite new), and at the moment, until 2012, they're in a temporary building which they are, as noted above, renting out partially to Sierra Leone.

So, it was quite a cool fieldtrip. I had so much work to do though, and being gone all Wednesday didn't help (even though it was worth it). I ended up going to bed by 10PM, gave up donig all my work for Thursday (presentation and handing in an assignemnt) and just did it today - after 3 nights of 4-5 hours of sleep I was in the need of some real zzzzzzz's.

Today was kind of a shitty stressy day, I won't go into detail, but I really need a break from all of this work. Right now I'm finishing one assignment and this weekend I'm going to be furiously writing a literature review on Namibia for my anthro Namibia class, among other things. aiaia, and with my computer broken again (ja, it started 'dumping physical memory'again) I can't write on Saturday (school is closed then) which means Sunday I'll have to type my little heart out. *sigh* I look forward to finishing University sometimes and doing some 'real' work in the sense that I get paid for it! (also because money seems to be lacking at the moment and still no news back on my Stafford Loan, waiting for my SAR in official print form, grrr, and without a residence permit, not even speaking of a working permit, it's a pain in the ass trying to find a job!).

ai people, I'm going to say ciao for now, hope your lives are more relaxed than mine at the moment.
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Subject:Jenna Deported :)
Time:01:10 am
So, apparently the whole not entering Turkey for 5 years thing is serious - I arrived to Istanbul and was informed that I would be sent back to the Netherlands. Luckily I did get to see Yalcin for about 10 minutes, and then I spent the whole day in the holding cell at the airport's police station before being deported. What a strange experience. I was so upset at first, cried my eyes out (they hurt the rest of the day), but in the end I was actually quite amused, who would have thought something like this would happen? But stupid authorities who either lied to us or didn't know what they were talking about. Grrr, apparently this is part of a new law passed January 14th of this year, and I have the privelege of being the first Westerner (European/N. American) to be deported under the new law :P

aiaiai, so I'm back in Middelburg for the rest of Spring break, at least Yalcin can now definitely concentrate on his exams. Oh, and I can enter Turkey if I either get a work or marriage Visa, the only way. We'll see, Yalcin will probably try coming here again. But first, his brother, who is quite a famous lawyer in Turkey - he was the lawyer of some parliamentary lady who had been in prison (left wing, Turkey is quite strict about Kurds and left-wing people) and he managed to free her and she's back in parliament. Anyway, he said that they couldn't do what they did and is going to bring my case to court. I actually don't think anything will work out, since the law was from the 14th and I was 'caught' on the 20th. But, they should have told us the truth, the real law.

Anyway, would be cool if I win the case, who knows.
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Time:01:43 pm
So, I find myself here again, lastly due to Kerry sending me a link to a really nice poem here on Livejournal (via facebook), and I figured, since I'm here anyway, might as well update and look around :)

Spring break has started for me, no classes until March 31st :) Yesterday we also had the day off because of Good Friday. Anyway, I had planned on staying in Middelburg, or at least the Netherlands, for this break, since money is drifting away and I thought it might be cool to stay here for once - hang out in the library, have time to read non-school books, do some artsy craftsy things, etc. Things I usually say I'll do when I have more time

But, then, finally I couldn't resist the temptation, and with Yalcin really insisting and agreeing to help a bit on the financial side, I booked my ticket to Istanbul :) So, I'll be there from early morning Sunday (my flight leaves at 4AM, so I'm leaving Middelburg in about 5 hours to catch the bus/train to Amsterdam) until early morning Friday. Maybe I'll spend a bit of time in Amsterdam or Rotterdam on Friday, depending on my amount of luggage and the weather, otherwise I'll just head back to M'burg. Then on Friday I'm going with some friends (Susan, Arlinda, Wessel and Lukas) to Lille, France and we might also hang out in Antwerpen or Brussels either on the way there or back. Wessel has a car, so he'll be driving us, it's cool :) Anyway, from my original plan of sticking to Middelburg this time, I'm sure doing quite a bit of traveling :P

Oh! and it's cool because it's supposed to be sunny while I'm in Istanbul and on Monday it might even get up to 21 C!!! Great contrast with the weather forecast for here, cold, windy, rainy - I like my share of that weather now and then, but I get enough of it in the winter - I also like some abwechslung! Today it was even hailing!

Hmmm, what else. I might be getting a job in a restaurant here in Zeeland (not in M'burg but I can bikeride over there, good exercise). We'll see if it works out, it would be just on the weekends and maybe I can work it out that I get more hours in June if I stay in Middelburg, which I'm thinking about doing. Maybe I can also find another job, earn some good Euros, since even if I do get the Stafford loan I applied for, I think earning Euros is just a bit of a safer bet then wondering how much money I'll be getting for my dollar.

I guess I should finish packing and clean up my room. Poor Yalcin, he has an exam on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (and I leave Friday morning). Tja, I also have to do some work though, so he can suday (for example that 3,000 word human rights essay which I haven't start researching for and which counts for 30% of my grade, due the Monday I get back, *ahem*).

*hugs* all around :)
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Time:06:28 pm
So, Yalcin was in Middelburg and just left for Amsterdam a few hours ago - he flies back to Istanbul tonight. Hmmm, haven't updated since Valentines Day, huh
Well, turned out that Yalcin surprised me by telling me later on Valentine's that he had actually applied for a Visa to Europe (France, since it's the easiest to get supposedly)quite a bit of time before :) I went to Milan (pictures on facebook if you're interested), had a good time, but got totally out of the school mentality (not good)

Soon after I got back I found out that Yalcin's visa application was approved! We were trying to figure out when he should come and then found out that Corendon was having a sale and so he booked his flight for Brussels (since Netherlands wouldn't accept him if he flew here as his first destination with a French visa) for March 1st. Luck was on his side, everything worked out and he was let in the country where I met him in the airport (Brussels is as close to where I live as Amsterdam). We walked around Brussels a bit, had some food, and then eventually took a train back to the Netherlands.

Anwyay, he was here and enjoyed Middelburg. He came to one of my classes with me

(GRRRRR, I wrote a lot more! About his trip to M'burg, but it wasn't saved and my internet is a bit fucked up and now all the other stuff I wrote is gone! I hate when that happens. Tja, maybe I'll write it again sometime, for now, basically, Yalcin had the full Dutch experience, met my friends, etc. It was good)
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Subject:Happy Valentines Day everyone! :)
Time:01:15 am
So, it's a quarter past 1 AM, I have class at 8:45, but here I am, online, doing nothing, sending some e-cars and 'free gifts' on facebook. Hmmm, I have 4 classes today, I feel like I should be doing something a bit more productive, but you know?... :P

Do you guys celebrate valentines day? I guess it's sort of silly, but I remember when one would give the little cards/candies to friends, etc., that was always so nice. Yalcin isn't a Valentines day fan, so that's that. Last year he sent me flowers, but then they didn't arrive and I had to call and they were brought on a different day and were the wrong ones but oh well. Anyway, I think Yalcin has decided to just not bother, which is fine (although I guess it would be nice to be surprised, it is in general).

Actually, last night I had a dream where at a certain point a fortune teller told me 2 things. I forget the other thing, but one thing was that Yalcin and I weren't meant to be together. I woke up soon after that dreamed kind of confused, but a dream is just a dream (luckily, since I've had some pretty crazy dreams in the past).

Nech was online today, got to chat with her a bit, which was nice. :)

Saturday-Wednesday I'll be in MILAN with Susan and Mariam. We all have so much work to do and are going to miss lots of classes, but hey, it's our last semester with all 3 of us together, so it's good to finally go to Italy. We have a place to stay the first 2 nights, still need to figure out the next 2 nights :) I checked weather forecasts and it's supposed to be Sunny Sunday and Monday and not too cold (up to 8-11 C), so that's nice.

Yeah, I should sleep or work, otherwise when I come back on Wednesday, aiaiai, not good. But hey, I'm a University student, it's supposed to be like that, right? ;) I guess I'll go continue reading the last chapter of 'Food Politics' since Mariam and I have to give a presentation on it Friday. I should also write a page for tomorrows class, but I'll so that during my lunch break. Anyway, enough of my boring 'to-do' thoughts :P

Whether or not you celebrate V-Day, I hope you have a good day and wish you much love! *hugs*
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Subject:I'm going to Namibia! :)
Time:12:51 pm
Current Mood:busybusy
So, any of you guys want to go to Africa with me this summer? :) For about 3 weeks starting July 3rd I'll be doing some anthropological field work in Namibia! Cool, huh???!!! I'm excited - something completely new to me (the country and doing such real fieldwork).

Anyway, I'm thinking about checking out some other African countries while I'm on the coninent, maybe Morocco, maybe Cameroon, who knows? (probably not Sudan... :P) Any cheap airline ticket tips? Maybe Safi, since you lived in South Africa (right?) - know some cheap but good intercontinental airlines?

I might also just travel after the program, and work 'under the table' at this one Spanish restaurant in Berlin to make a bit of cash until I go to Namibia - depends whether that would work out.

Oh, and you know what I found out? Well, I was leaving Istanbul and had to pay this 120 Lira fee because I was 2 days over my VISA stay right? (it was soooo stupid, because some visas are 3 months, some 90 days, and I thought I had a 3 month VISA which would have been no problem, but nope, it was the 90 days one). Anyway, I didn't have the cash on me so I thought I signed a document that said I'd pay when I'm back in the country.

NOPE! I was so stressed at the time and only had 10 minutes to catch my flight that I ddin't see that this paper also had an English translation under the Turkish, and you know what it says????!!! I signed an agreement that I'm not allowed to go to Turkey for 60 months!! MONTHS!!! That's 5 years!!!!

And so I called Yalcin because I was so shocked, and he apparently knew what I signed!!! Since the security guard told him that it would be okay, that since I'm American I shouldn't have to worry, well, Yalcin also told me it would be ok. But I didn't realize I signed the above agreement! I mean, legally I agreed to the above. So, now I don't know whether I'll go to Istanbul for Spring break, because I don't want to get there and be told, no, you have to go back. Yalcin says I shouldn't worry, but, you know? Hopefully he will really look into it for me (he can be a bit lazy), otherwise I really won't go there, which is too bad (and he probably won't get around to applying for a VISA to come here). aiaiai

always know 100% what you are signing, and not just think you know what you're signing! :)
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Subject:Busy busy busy
Time:12:37 am
Current Mood:busybusy
Oi, indeed, I've been so busy and it's only the first week back at school! Of course I also spent a lot of time typing a list of 2,500 boy baby names (0-Z, certain numbers of each) in order to help Mariam with a job she took which she than realized she probably wouldn't have time to finish. This of course also means: 150 Euros earned for Jenna (not taxes or anything) :)

Oh, I got into the public policy analysis class I wanted to be in and am not enjoying reading the book 'Food Politics' for it - a book which I would usually consider a more fun, free-time read than a text for some class (although of course we do read a lot of interesting articles and sometimes books in other classes, but not things I would usually just pick up during vacation or something).

So I'm not taking French anymore, officially, but the teacher has agreed to let me take the class just so that I can work on my French. Of course I realize I don't really have time for a 5th course that's as much work as my other courses but, um, my French really really needs some work!

And then there's the whole me wanting to learn Turkish things...hmmm. Sometimes I listen to the Turkish language CDs I have before sleeping and I have learned a bit and reviewed a bit of old stuff, but just that is definitely not enough to really get anywhere with a language.

It's also nice to have a bit of free time and time to eat something nice and get food at the store etc. Seriously, Tuesday until 6PM Friday I was continually working on something or having class with just a few minor breathers consisting of some short conversations with friends. I did listen to music while writing down the baby names, their meanings and where they were from, but still was quite a bit of work.

So after I got out of class at 6PM, I haven't done any work. Mariam and I went to the grocery store because we both really needed groceries (I've been basically living off of oranges, carrots, bananas, yoghurt and the occasional crap from the vending machine at our school ex.sugar waffles, for the past few days because I really didn't have time to go buy food. Actually I don't think I have ever been soooooo busy well, ever (at least for so many days). And it didn't help that I went out to party Tuesday night since I promised my friends I'd go. So after working on baby names until 12:30AM I came home, got ready, and parties about 2 and a half hours (= mostly dancing). This doesn't mean I slept in the next morning, it means I just got less sleep :P

Blablabla - but I enjoyed the sort of thrill of being so busy and was actually feeling very happy for being so productive. This evening/night though I am really enjoying just doing nothing of real importance. When I wake up again there's plenty of stuff for me to do :) And now I can't believe I arrange for Susan, Mariam and myself to be in Milan Feb 16-20! Aiaiai. Tja

Oh, and I can't wait for Spring to finally come!!! Nice warm weather, more sun, longer days, more 'green', more ppl around etc. Yesterday it was sooooooo cold, coldest day since I've been back here (of course I guess I can't complain compared to those people in China stuck for days in outdoor train stations or to Yalcin, but you know... :P)

mmmm, chomomile tea sounds good right now
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